PMBAR FUBAR
The Wonderboy and I pulled off a "successful" PMBAR on Saturday. By successful I mean that we finished officially, lived, and drank beer. Things didn't go as planned as our fate was decided Friday around 7:00PM.
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= imminent disaster
I left The Wonderboy unattended while he worked on his bike at my house. His front brake reach adjustment screw had been backing out so he "seized" the moment to fix it without any assistance and went to bed. We woke up at 4:00 AM and and arrived in Brevard with about an hour to get ready for the race. This is not a typical MTB race where you show up, get dressed, and go. The off-limits map is a critical piece of the PMBAR puzzle as is the pre-race riders meeting. I would have loved to have spent some time paying attention in class, but The Wonderboy figured out that his front brake lever had an excess amount of Loctite in places where Loctite should never be. He essentially turned his lever into a brake on/off switch.
We fiddled with it, stripped out a bolt, beat on it with a log, and applied fire to it, but our efforts bore no fruit. I gave him the option of bailing and going home or bailing and drinking beer, but The Wonderboy said he would give it a whirl with just a rear brake. The course was going to be saturated and we were looking at more rain to come so one-braking it for countless hours in the mountains was going to be slightly difficult.
I had a slim idea where some of the checkpoints were when we opened our passports. Our original plan was to go for a time bonus, but with the Wonderboy's brake woes we chose to get a face saving minimun of four to finish. We headed out and at the first spot where people always stop to scratch their heads, we decided to join them. I asked around and I realized I had no idea what was off limits when we left the start so I had to come up with a new plan. After we set towards our first checkpoint things started to seem clearer in my mind, and I decided we needed to avoid the "Western Pisgah Plan" and head over to the East Side. The WPP was going to send us down at least a couple descents that I wouldn't want to do with one brake in the rain, and I didn't want to have to drag The Wonderboy's body outta the woods.
The cool thing about changing the plan at that exact moment meant we had to do the "East Side Plan" exactly the opposite way that a logical person would ever want to go. We were going to be treated with the same horrendous push up Turkey Pen that I endured on my own at the 2006 PMBAR towards the end of our long day. Most of the riding was uneventful, and somwhat tedious. The Wonderboy couldn't really haul ballz down the mountain as he would never be able to reel it in to save his skin if things got bad. We kept our pace s-l-o-w and just generally moped our way through the woods in the occasional rain showers. Other than stopping to replace a completely toasted brake pad we didn't really spend much time not moving forward.
At the last checkpoint BioWheels big man Matt Johnson told us he figured it would take us 3-3.5 hours to finish including the push up Turkey Pen. Josh didn't believe him, but I knew better. I didn't bring a watch or a cyclocomputer just in case we found ourselves in a place where knowing just how much time has gone by would just bring down morale. At one point on Turkey Pen we came to and intersection and The Wonderboy asked me what that meant. I told him that no matter what don't ever get your hopes up, and don't ask where we are or how much further till it's over. Just when you think you're near the end, you're not. When you think it can't get steeper, it will. Turkey Pen never ends, and you will die out here finding that out.
The Wonderboy seemed a little down at after our conversation, and when I pointed out that the birds were happy and singing I just heard a mumbling of four letter words. He did mention that the trail should be renamed, but most of his suggestions were just a string of expletives usually involving a form of sodomy. When Turkey Pen finally ended there was much rejoicing with a couple rigid geared guys as we all knew it was all (almost all) downhill back to happiness.
The Wonderboy and I ended the day with 9hr 58 min in the saddle. We came in 15th out of 75 teams entered so all in all it was not a bad day for a couple guys who almost turned tail and went home at 8:05 AM. I did a post race assesment of the damage when I got home and I found that my front brakes were also toast, and I only drank about 40 oz of water in almost 10 hours. I guess I was counting on the osmotic hydration of rain drops to keep me alive. Musta worked.
Sorry about the lackluster story, but either I have food poisoning right now, or I drank out of a horse poop covered water bottle. My brain and lower half of my body are not quite fully functional, and this is as good as it gets till I get better.
